Saturday, September 26, 2015

L'ombre de ton l'ombre, l'ombre de ta main, l'ombre de ton chien...

30. Two things to aim for in life - to get what you want and to enjoy it.

Bukowski reportedly said something like that too - find what you love and let it kill you. 

Me, I'm sick from seeing all these appetites, this relentless drive, consumption without end. Devouring hordes colliding. Maybe I'm frail or something, but I just don't want any. I'm staying in -got myself to eat.

Tonight the Harvest Moon appears, a Super Moon and lunar eclipse combination. Tell it what you want. Imbue it with significance. Surrender to its mystery. I can enjoy a moment thoroughly - disappear in it. It's like a gun to my head. But give me more time than that, and I will certainly find a way to fuck it up.

The feeling is a treasure when you have it - something you will always keep, something you would never change. But change it will, change it does, and you find yourself unrecognizable and cold. You do not know where to set the next foot.

I interviewed a candidate for a roommate tonight - a man in his 50s with an old dog. Change is happening.

Two things to swallow in life - what is happening and accepting it.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

We sit at the gate and scratch...

29. Happiness will bring you good luck.

"When are you going to start enjoying your life?", she asked frustratedly.

He had been talking automatically about his day. She heard pessimism and negativity. He thought he was just reporting.

He looked out the window feeling ridiculous, knowing she was right. Sitting next to her though, he was enjoying life. He felt alive. It was easy. It was the rest of the time that was troublesome. Everything else.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

I'll say it one more time...

28. Every action has a counter action. Just if you can see it or not.

The Poet Laureate instructed me through the radio to join the parade and find poetry there.
 I knew I should, but couldn't, because I'd been stuffed and sealed inside a rain barrel
 upside down, calorically deprived, despairing of discovery.

 I saw pictures of myself accidentally locked in a basement, standing in my underwear,
 holding a basket of freshly dried clothes as the parade proceeded along the street above.
 The cheers and shadows of marching legs passed over me.

 Maybe I was high in the power lines, too afraid to look down, the
 sound of bass drums and tubas below. Sweat dripped from my nose -
 a straining apprentice, with one end of a heavy cable in each hand.
 The journeyman, having climbed down to retrieve a forgotten tool
 quite some time ago, told me not to let go no matter what happened.

Meanwhile, the parade passes away, the crowd leaves, night falls, sweat drips.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

27. Broke is only temporary, poor is a state of mind.

Yes, poor is a state of mind. Temporary is also another way of saying semi-permanent, or up to and including semi-permanent. You know, like you are. Actual results may vary.

Tally the time spent on jobs, in transition between day jobs and night jobs, the hours sleeping in cars for a few minutes at a time, the sleepless and exhausted time worrying about money thinking you should be working not sleeping. The totals are impressive. It's not encouraging.

This thing is really just an attitude problem, right? I'm in defiance of the law of attraction. Something about my vibes, a dirty soul, some hang up with wealth. Success. That fucking word.