Ohio

I.

Warren/Niles, Ohio. Meatless breakfast in a chain hotel. Desk clerk says she wins people over using her chipmunk voice. She gives me toothpaste. All around me there is asphalt.

II.

Sodom, Ohio. Passed through quietly without molestation, hindrance, or temptation and managed not to look back. Avoided eye contact with the Chief of Police at a four-way intersection. Sunny and green, landscaped houses, trailer parks, beer-wine-lotto - rolling through in a rented car. Back in Niles now, a hillside cemetery, final resting place of The Queen of Hearts herself.

III.
Niles, Ohio,

Rare Time on Sunday to Reflect

Didn't write about the deer I saw the other day
skinny and delirious, running out of one of
the city's downtown public housing projects
hooves like skates on the asphalt surface, frantic

Didn't write about the several skinny foxes darting
across the road after nightfall along the entire route home,
and the slow porcupine standing still in my headlights waiting
for its death, reprieved tonight and probably oblivious

Didn't write about the dates I've been on and the moments of
life I felt, surprising me. Still alive and perhaps of momentary interest
at least to someone else. Despite this,  I'm chained to the floor.
"You're probably still in love" she said,  kindly.

Summer Dream

Dreamed of a toddler falling through the ice
on a cold and deep stream that served as the walk
to his family's front door. I went down once and missed him.
Impossibly deep. He's sinking like a stone.
I woke up filled with sickening doubt.
What if I can't?

Three Feet of Grass

Pushed the jungle back a little bit today
Sometimes you have to make a choice
To pick a side -  to work for order or for chaos
I'd been contemplating letting the jungle
Reclaim the lawn, then the house, then whatever
And it was nice to let it go for awhile, but the dew
Every morning on the tall grass wet my shoes
Mowed a path in the back too
Maintaining something I promised I would
Why are you on my mind again?

With Only Minor Ache

Thinking of it as a break with continuity, and the new reality
Is just disconnected events without particular sequence
A dog sleeps at my side now twitching through a dream
Sleeping alone is no longer something to get used to
Normal now so long, I prefer it
Sober now with minor aches.

Imagining the indignity of position of a found body
The discoloration of the face and its half-open eyes, burst vessels,
Blood pooled, the ghastly stricture, slump and stillness which
The friend who finds it will never shake, smoke, drink or scream from memory
The rate continues to increase, I think, because the world is sickened now
Nearly unto death, and we are, after all, of this world and only this.

Sober now with minor aches
I think I can handle Google and it's revelations
And find only a change of name and evidence that
You found what you wanted and landed on your feet
I can't see far into your world from here, and to this I
Do not attach any particular significance.

Pre

Got into town earlier than I needed to
not wanting to miss or be late for the
school musical. I parked on the street,
threw some trash into the public receptacle
on the side walk, fed the parking meter,
and spent a little time in a bookstore
where I used the bathroom then wandered
unable to focus on one book after another.

When it was time to go, I reached into the pocket
of my jeans but my keys were not there.
Checked the other three with the same results.
Retraced my steps. Not on the floor or the shelves
of the bookstore, not in the bathroom, and no one had
turned them into the clerk. Outside, I could not see
them in the car through any of the windows. Checked
the trash receptacle. Repeated the entire process wondering
if I'd gone somewhere else that I was not recalling.

Ended up looking down into the trash receptacle again.
It was placed on the corner of the town's busiest intersection,
lots of car and foot traffic, school kids walking, people enjoying
the sunshine of an early Summer afternoon on the patio of a cafe.
Peering in, all the way to the bottom, I could see them. The receptacle
was deeper than my arm was long and it took a little obvious effort
to retrieve them. People gawked a little. I felt it, but not much.

Easy as Falling Down the Stairs

When I'm driving at night
animals reveal themselves
in glimpses, flashes, like
maybe someone I could talk to
someone who might get me but
then they're gone into the darkness
a function of motion, perception, night
and only the porcupines could I catch
if I tried to. Then there's the fucking
suicides, countless as raindrops now

Tuck

Yes, we are dying, and
they are staring at screens
sitting on gym equipment as I am
vaingloriously attempting to
build boulder-shoulders before
turning 52 next month while drilling into
my Swiss cheese memory the upcoming school play
in which the youngest sings and plays a candlestick.
He is already thinking it's not worth trying because it
all goes wrong no matter what. I try to tell myself it's wisdom
developing and not despair. The song ends: this is why we sing.