Complimentary Drinks and Heavy Appetizers

Last night I went into Boston
and drove by the event center
where she had one of her shows.
Doing so stirred aging feelings,
mostly dread.

An appreciation event put on by
the company I sometimes work for
counseling people in the wake of something awful
held in the Grand Alcove of the Ritz-Carlton.
I polished my shoes and wore a tie that matched my shirt.

A nice spread of serve-yourself-appetizers and two drink tickets,
my hand trembling while cutting the gorgonzola. I don't really network.
But soon I was talking with a lady I'd never seen before, work mostly -
people and jobs we knew in common, the brokenness of things.
She was smart, fiery and beautiful.

She joked early on that I must have started working at 15,
suggesting that I didn't look as old as I am, and then again
later, in another joke, said I wasn't too hard on the eyes.
She's married, mostly happily, with three boys. I said I'd walk
her to her parking garage after which was just ten feet feet away.

We laughed, shook hands, did not exchange numbers,
and now I cannot even remember her name.
But she allowed me to forget the event and other things too
for awhile. I left that place feeling like I almost belonged,
well nourished and mildly intoxicated.

Ouachita

I noticed quick nervous cats along the river and the kids playing in the neighborhood on the other side. I noticed how high the brown water is and looked down into swirling eddies from the bridge. It's after 3 am now, and I'm listening to the thunder rolling through. What do I need?

Room 307

Started out with a good omen, although I have this on nobody's authority, three deer raised their heads in my headlights grazing in a foggy field at 3:45 am. The rest of the trip was segmented motion. Drive and park in the garage where I then wait for the shuttle, through airport security with no waiting or incidents, a flight to Dallas, short layover then a connecting flight to Monroe on which I was seated beside one of many Bubba-sized individuals. Northeastern Louisiana at about 75 degrees with a nice breeze is not a bad place to be in April. Late lunch of fried catfish, shrimp butter sauce, gumbo, biscuit, hush puppies and mac and cheese, a long nap, a trip downtown in the evening to watch the high Ouachita flowing under the bridge and people eating crawfish all around the town. 

Projection

Boredom, one-too-many beers, and a not very subtle but effective marketing ploy brought me back to the internet dating site. I had a "like" waiting for me. When I checked to see who, I saw her screen name, or on line dating handle, or whatever you call those names people use to reveal or conceal themselves to unknown, potentially fantastic/horrific others. It was a one-liner that expressed a I've-been-hurt-but-I'm-resolved-to-be-hopeful sentiment like thebestisyettocome.

I read, takethispukebib. Not even close to the name she had probably carefully chosen for herself, and I'm quite sure it's not the idea she was trying to put across, but it's what I saw. 

Youngstown, Ohio

She said she bought the house she's living in last year for nine thousand dollars cash. She bought the one next to it on a short term mortgage for eleven thousand and rented it out. She said there's nothing happening here and she won't be staying long. You can't really live here, she said.

Bonvoy

The smell in this room reminds me of a Middlesex county office park I used to patrol while working as a security guard in college. It was a foreign smell. It made imagining the people who worked there - what they did, how they lived - seem distant and unreachable. A reminder of what I thought of as the prison inside. I'm not so stark about it now, maybe, but how they live still seems distant.

Out like a lamb

Woke into a soft Spring morning to pack for the trip tempted to leave my sweatshirt behind. Landed in Pittsburgh a few hours later to snow flurries. Drove to Youngstown through a squall and settled into the hotel. The smell of the room made me lonely. Eating dinner at the bar didn't help with that - men watching college basketball, maybe the game before the final four, I don't know for sure.