I Guess It's Not For Me

Started feeling anxiety climbing up from inside me
so I went out into the street which was dark and deserted,
most of the buildings were vacant, but I still felt that I had to
straighten my neck and look up in order to breathe. Something
about this place is closing in on me despite all the open space.

Listened to the local comedians again, raunchy, depressing
and waited to sing a song, but my vocals ended up being too loud for the
understated music so it was really 5 or 6 minutes of me just yelling into a microphone
in front of a room full of strangers. A big Mexican clapped afterward, and I was fist bumped
by three guys wearing their MC colors but I only felt a little better. One of the drag queens
smiled sideways at me - politely.

Alone, I am, and feeling it hard tonight.

Drive back to the hotel, there's a number I could call, but I don't want that either.
I lay there listening to the gurgling in my guts, the AC coming on and shutting off,
waiting for something to shift until, very slowly, it becomes time to go back to work.

These are like an old man's nights.

 Already.