Notes

You never did like the term "depressed" to describe yourself, but then seem to have spent more than an ordinary amount of time wondering if you indeed met the diagnostic criteria for Dysthymia or Major Depression, Severe, Recurrent.

That's not very hard to do.

But your contention is that it's not clinical, it's existential. In this case, a man dealing with himself in the context of the world with all that it entails. Medication doesn't make that flow any smoother, you posit.

So sometimes you find yourself sleeping a lot without much energy and enthusiasm for the other stuff. When it's like that, you have to start taking notes to help you remember that you're still alive and not everything is shit.

Like tonight, you noted the bright half moon, the temperature falling into the 60's, the crickets more sonorous and active than you've noticed in some time, a friend told you about a positive outcome for another person that was the direct result of an action you took, she checked out the trumpet sound of Chet Baker on You Tube at your suggestion and liked it a lot, your son wearing the silver chain his grandmother gave him and his faithful intention never to take it off.

There are these moments. Beautiful things.