Company

Putting yourself in the company of others is a gamble if you're doing so to try to change your mood.

There's that after 5 o'clock crowd of guys at the bar who always seem to say the same stupid shit as loudly as they can anywhere you go. An almost identical group of guys probably yelled the same shit this very evening just after 5 o'clock 5 years ago and 10 years ago and 20 years ago too. These guys have never been any help with what you need. 

But then there's a park bench, a warm Indian Summer night, and a half moon just above the trees. Talking there for awhile feels pretty good. A lady with Spanish eyes returning to love.

You wake in the morning after a warm night with the slider open and cricket song and you drift in and out of sleep until noon resigned to the fact that you must have post-Covid chronic fatigue or something. It feels good just to lay here with the crickets and the birds - nuthatches, chickadees, woodpeckers. They're very active at the feeders and the birdbath all day. Winter's on the way. You stand out there for awhile among late blooming wild flowers and their attendant honey bees. This is where the help is.

You get a text message from a black eyed girl far away, and the memory and presence of her has you feeling better. She sees what the matter is with you and sizes you up perfectly in a meme. You think of another who used the word "whimsical" to describe a bird so naturally that it broke your heart. And another who likes your face, you like hers too, and in your mind you saw yourself kissing her in the wind under iron grey skies along the shore.

 Love is all of this, braided like sweetgrass inside you. A sacred thing all twisted up.