Dream

Just before the sun came up this morning, I was dreaming of you. 

Your circumstances were the same as they are now in life. As I imagine them to be. You were happily married and unavailable to me, but we were talking together, easily and naturally. I talked with your sister and your mother too, and that also felt comfortable. You were not available to me, but we were still connected. That was plain to both of us.

I woke up pleasantly surprised that my mind was being so kind to me, but I also missed you tangibly and very much. 

An odd detail: your mother was preparing a pheasant to serve at a holiday meal. 

I was busy today, and there were other people to deal with so not much time to think or to remember. But in between the work and the people I made a conscious effort not to feel the hole that might have been in me. 

I have seen now what I needed to see. It leaves less room for nightmares. But also less room for my dreams. I am happy for you. For your life, and for the love I could see in it. 

It is possible to be happy for another person who you love without feeling envy or jealousy.

It was a little hard to be looking in from outside the window though. Something sharp might have pierced me a little while I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. If it did though, it's my own fault.