Sodom, Ohio

Spring is further along here in Ohio. Yesterday, in the afternoon, I felt myself excited by expanses of green grass. Excited like a dog. I wanted to sprint across them in zig-zag patterns, roll, and drag my face across the fragrant greening.

Today, another good day at work. Good, in part, because of the inspiration I receive from other people doing work that helps even more people. The real thing isn't something you can fake, and you know it when you see it. 

So later I have dinner with three of these people. We eat sushi and sashimi. We drink sake. My head fills with ideas and a healthy fire. I want to change everything. And as the conversation continues, I come to believe that we can change everything. 

Soon we say our goodbyes. We go our separate ways. I return to my room. I do not want to stay here. I take a walk to a bar in the mall complex that houses this hotel. I don't like malls, but it's close. 

The waitress who took care of us last night - the one with the natural laughter - is not here tonight. I sit at the bar. Fox News is on the screen facing me - Tucker Carlson's insanely punchable face. Immediately I feel hostile and distant from everyone in here - staff and customers alike. After awhile, I ask the bartender to change the channel. She hands me the remote. 

I click one channel from where it's set and say, "I don't care what's on, as long as it's not this asshole". For a minute, I want to fight. But no one cares enough to object.

The bartender is female, young and curvy. I happen to be sitting directly in front of her sink. So when she comes over to wash a glass she has to bend forward toward me. She is wearing a low cut top and she holds it in her hand each time she bends forward and averts her eyes from me. I want to tell her that I'm not looking at her like that and that I'm not just some creep. But then again, I'm thinking this now, so maybe I am.

Bukowski supposedly said, "Nature doesn't give a fuck." And that's probably true. 

So I walk back to the hotel. The trees and shrubs are budding. It's nature - tamed and pruned - but the natural re-birthing of Spring. I run the palm of my hand along the freshly trimmed hedges. And I lay my warm hands upon the smooth bark of the small and blooming trees.