Panic in Detroit

Yes, I tend to lean toward doom and gloom. It's an orientation. You see the world not as it is, but as you are. Or so I've been told.

My youngest flew out of state this week. It was going to be his second time in the air so he's still pretty anxious about the prospect. I texted him while his phone was on airplane mode wishing him a good trip. He replied when they landed. The flight wasn't too bad. Except for the moron who had to be forcibly removed for refusing to wear a mask. I'm sure that incident did a great deal to assuage his anxiety. 

In this bar, the owner is always present. He's basically a one man show at night. He tends the bar, makes artful drinks using all kinds of fruit and does the cooking. During the day he operates a landscaping business. He's always busy. He's also very generous. I noticed his face though, several times throughout the night, devoid of expression. I want to say his expression is joyless. He's probably just exhausted. The guy works his ass off. But I see him sitting on that stool and I cannot help but interpret the blank look on his face as a sort of resignation to despair.

Two couples come in together - one male and one female. I say hello and ask them if they're going to sing. They say they're thinking about it. I encourage them to. I'm talking now, which is something I have not done in several days, and it feels pretty good. I'm expansive even. I introduce myself and learn their names. I offer to buy them drinks and put in a plug for the bartender's unusual artistry. Two shots of Patron (this makes the bartender smirk - I got Cuervo, like you'd even know the difference), a Corona with lime, and one "surprise me".  The surprise is a sweetly flavored mojito with a garnish of berries. 

The ladies have the same first name. They also have similar tattoos on their arms. They look to me like they could be sisters. "She's my wife," one says proudly. They smile openly. I like them instantly. They're proud and celebratory and high on this moment. And yet, I'm thinking, they'll still have to figure out how to live with each other across the years when this high dissipates and the victory of their same sex marriage becomes routine. I'm celebrating with them but I'm feeling this creeping dread too. 

One of the young men is very drunk. He's looking at me a certain way. His partner sees this and is amused, probably because of the age difference of approximately 30 years. Toward the end of the evening, the young man sits beside me. He is too drunk to say very much coherently. He's in worse shape than his friends. I see alcoholism and wish I'd never bought him the drink. His friends seem to see only party time. He tells me he's glad that I'm having a good time too. 

Meanwhile, I'm doing couples therapy with the man and woman beside me. They're in their late 40s and they went to high school together. They recently ran into each other again by chance and started dating. It's her birthday. When he goes to the bathroom, she asks me if I want to date her. I observe that this guy seems to really like her. She likes him too, but he only texts, and then not very often, and he never calls despite her telling him to. Later, when she goes to the bathroom, I tell the guy to call her once a day for awhile. He says she wants more from me than he's capable of giving right now. They get closer throughout the evening. He starts touching her more often, talking to her privately. She films him singing. He and I sing Tennessee Whisky together. At closing time, they're happy and leave together but the seeds of their destruction have already been sewn. 

I notice that my friend out West has texted to tell me she could use a fan. She says she could literally fry an egg on her living room floor. It's hotter than it's supposed to be across the American West. Far drier too. Drier than it's been in 1,200 years and having to support an ever-expanding human population. Do you see what I see?

The bouncer says he doesn't date. I tell him he's wiser for it. 

I don't date either but I don't feel very wise. 

It feels good to walk in the dark city street sometime after 2 A.M. even while knowing that the explosion  you fear is already happening.