Never promised me

I was reminded of you while preparing food today. That is to say, I was dipping a piece of apple into a jar of peanut butter. I thought about enjoying simple pleasures like that with you. Fully enjoying them. Of course, in the background (sometimes it came to the fore) was always the fear of impending and inevitable loss. 

I remembered distinctly that feeling I'd get sometimes, when we were out in a public place, that you were looking over my shoulder at whoever was walking in. You told me that was just my insecurities. I knew it was more than that but I didn't want to. That awful feeling that you were always on the lookout for a better deal. 

And, of course, you were.