Nowhere else to go

I took myself to a movie last night - the worldwide premier - about a singer, writer, artist, father, husband trying to live through the grief of the loss of a son in his teens. There were only seven of us in the theater and that hurt me a little bit. This singer and his songs have been a significant part of my life for nearly 35 years. What saddened me more was that he had another son in Australia from a prior marriage, in his early 30's, who died tragically just a few days ago. Just before the premier of a documentary about how his father survived a world-shattering loss. 

"It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That's the deal. That's the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable."

At the end of the film he said that he was happy. Happy in the sense that he had found meaning in being alive and in other people. That made me sadder still, knowing what we know now. 

After, I was too tired to drive home and I was on-call. So I parked in the lot of a neighboring Walmart, tipped the seat back, and went to sleep. No one bothered me and I slept fairly well. At 5:30 AM they called me in to see a Vietnam veteran, sober now, who had gone to the ER to sleep.

There is nowhere else to go, he said.