Alright then

There was a lot of dream activity this morning. I made a note to myself at one point to be sure to bring it back with me but, when I crossed over into waking life, the coherence was gone and only two fragments remained accessible. A mystic or a healer named Lemony. And a woman for whom popcorn was an important symbol. She kissed me with a mouthful of it.

My son is getting ready to graduate from high school. He's thinking about a solo road trip. The me that was him once says, "Go!". The me whose hand the little boy used to hold whenever we went out into the world says something else (silently). 

A young woman told me a story about being restricted to the parking lot of her family's business when she was a child. The neighborhood kids sometimes road by saying,  "Hi! We're all going to the park." She'd wave back and continue riding her bike in circles around the small parking lot. 

When her mother was angry with her or wanted to teach her a lesson, she'd make her lay on the floor and beat her across the butt and legs with a broomstick. She'd announce a certain number of lashes before administering the beating. Her mother would count them out loud, hesitating between the blows, using anticipation to its maximum effect. That makes the person on the receiving end clench and brace. 

Clenching and bracing eventually infiltrates your posture and you carry that response around in your tissues for the rest of your life. You also bring it with you into every relationship you find yourself in. That is, if you decide to have any relationships.

I keep seeing this little girl riding her bicycle in circles, lost in her imagination, telling herself stories about a better life. 

I'm the kid hiding in the bushes, a guerilla engaged in total war with the oppressors. I am watching her through binoculars. I recognize her. I want to tell her about the island in the reservoir and the sand bar under the surface of the water that would allow us safe passage. We could live there and be free. 

Cruelty is different from stress, different from lacking emotional intelligence, and different from being unable to control your rage. There's a calculus involved in it. One has to dedicate some time to it. A decision is made. There's a conscious intention. 

It doesn't matter what language the perpetrator thinks in, the message the receiver understands is always: "I will destroy YOU."

Tomorrow is the solar eclipse. I'm not planning to do anything differently. "The Path of Totality" though, I keep reading those words and wishing I'd written them. Ominous, right?