Hail Satan

My youngest son is a cinephile. Last night, we exchanged text messages and he recommended a film he'd seen and liked which was written and directed by one of my favorite actors' (Anthony Perkins) son. I went to see it on my own this afternoon. Most of the world was still at work. 

I had time to spare so I went for a late lunch at a local chain restaurant. The service was scripted and uninspired. The food was uninspired and overpriced. There were only a few customers. The staff were complaining about schedules and poor staffing. The entire experience felt like a sort of void.

That sense followed me into the theater. I purchased my ticket at an electronic kiosk and, with about half an hour to kill, I went into the bar where the twenty-something bartender, who also recited a script and seemed withholding of any personality she may or may not have possessed, asked me for my ID. Four women about my age came in a few minutes apart and sat at the bar beside me. Coworkers in what sounded like something retail. They were complaining, sniping, bitching. Another void. 

My beer was in a plastic cup and the establishment had already informed me via posted signage that I was at liberty to take my drink into the theater with me which I did with a feeling of some relief. Once inside, I was alone with a steady stream of commercials on the screen. Within a few moments, I was sinking into that void again. 

I experienced a visceral kind of loneliness. It came from not being able to identify at all with the audience the commercials were intended to influence. 

Before long, about six other people trickled in. The previews of coming attractions commenced. They didn't make me feel any better. In addition to feeling lonely, I felt deceived and manipulated. I felt an oppressive darkness being imposed upon me. Prefabricated, manufactured, completely optional darkness. Why am I here?

I made it through the film and walked out into a lightning storm. Things looked and felt surreal. There seemed no good reason for me to go out in public at all anymore.