Was that you?

Drastic measures. A travel ban with Europe. I fell asleep, wanted to stay that way, but now I'm getting up for work. My son will not return to campus after spring break, but will continue his freshman year of college on line, probably while living at home.

Writing about you, I have forgotten my original intent for doing so. At times I was trying to write you out of my system. But maybe, more recently, writing about you and remembering has been an effort to keep you there.

I used to believe I could feel your moods change remotely. Maybe not moods exactly, but your closeness and distance from me. That started happening again recently. There were a couple of instances in which I felt us occupying the same space and time, for just a moment. I felt closeness. But for the past several days, I feel that awful distance. As though you've gone again. Those disappearances of yours. How dismal things become.

Either way, whether I write what remains of you out of me or you choose to stop remembering me, I lose you again. I thought all that had been finalized, but something must have happened. Things seem bleaker now.