Ash tray

I'm slow to move today. Prolonging sleep with anxious dreams and revelations of the parts of me I'd like to remain unexpressed. The seasonal scent of the woods beckons. Run a few miles today. Don't burn another one. I started to imagine what my house would look like if I were a smoker and my squandered days cigarette butts. I'd also advise you to skip the extra cheese on your pizza if you've lost the ability to digest it properly because it'll doubtless delay you getting out the door in the morning and, before you can tie your running shoes, the rain will start to fall in earnest hastening the colored leaves coming down and your favorite season passing away and yielding too soon to winter. Yielding to winter too soon. Winter will wash over you again and at the end of it you will either emerge or you won't. And then your bed starts talking sweet again. She's so hard to leave. I seduced you, she said. It's true, you never wanted to be a step-child so you morphed into an orphan and now you can't even teach your boys to fish. Envy. I wish I had. I wish I was. Hot black hatred smolders underneath. So tenderly. Let me touch you without words. Don't look at me. Just let me. Let me touch you with only words. There are really just a handfull of moments worth revisiting back there anyway. That is if you decide to commit to living here and looking forward instead of sleeping here and dreaming back. The ghost of dim corners. The one who keeps the cemetery flowers fresh. I remember that time on San Clemente Island, a hot summer day where the fog burned away  all at once, when Ian and I stripped down to underwear and got sunburned into purple paralysis. The palest two in the unit. Someone took a picture. Some people spend their days sad because they want to be loved and aren't. Or at least that is what they believe. Some people spend their days happy and sad because they love and no one knows it or can feel it. I'd say be the latter, if there’s only two kinds and you're spoiled for choice. At least it's active. It's still raining now. I'm going to run in the woods anyway, while my favorite season still is.