God? God?! GOD! GOD! GOOOOD! Death! DEATH! DEATH! DEEAATH! He was the first to try to break my concentration. Next, the sound of the man beside me, stricken suddenly mad, thrashing on the ground and muttering to himself. Sitting with eyes closed, waiting for my turn, breathing intentionally, keeping the others out. Show me what I need to see.
Bright white and a mounting pain at the base of my neck and between my shoulder blades. I asked what this pain is. Something gave me an immediate answer. I asked if I could leave the pain in this place, but no answer was forthcoming. I tried to imagine how I could put it down, like wriggling free of a heavy backpack maybe. No, it's stitched into me, I realized, melded with my tissues. I imagined exhaling a breath large enough to release all that pain and tension. I exhaled until I expired. Terminal exhalation, something said to me.
Falling down and through self and world, telling myself to stop observing and to let go of this life, strange voices heard in passing. Down and down and down until I was soaring far above a great gliding bird which was itself soaring far above the world of things.
Time has passed since then. I've thought a lot about who has to die.
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